Archive for May, 2008

Reede 22:45

Friday, May 30th, 2008


Fakk.. see ei ole üldse hea… mitu päeva mälestanud…
Deprekas jälle…

The birds in the shade
Sweet smiles the night
All creations slept and smiled
...never will it be!

I gave my heart away
Weeping tears on infant's tear
Sweet dreams form a shade
Happy silent moony beams!

Now playing: Darkseed – Give Me Light
via FoxyTunes

Neljapäev 23:28

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

Mõningaid asju siis…

Orkutis keegi scrappis mulle:
im know im some random stranger , and you might pass me of as a freak , but i have to say this:
recently, i read the story/incident on the TWLOHA community.
it almost made me emotional. touched.
i have problems too, just makes me a little less scared that there are others in this world.
you made my day, even though that was posted agess ago.
so, thankyou. a LOT.
much love,
p.s: i hope i get a reply, sooner or later:D 

Ja minu vastus:
 You’re welcome.
I don’t know much about how other people handle these kind of problems, but the burden that I carry will probably be with me forever. The pain of having been so deeply in love and having lost that love.
It has been almost a year since I posted that story and.. well.. Some things have changed and some things haven’t.
I found out that alcohol isn’t something that’s me. Haven’t had a drink since January and I don’t think I will any time soon… unless it’s for a good reason. I did start smoking cigarettes though and still am… I think that might be something that’s me and it helps me to bury some memories.
As for self mutilation… I’m still doing that, but I have several reason for that and pain of lost love is only one of them.
There are others in this world who have problems, but at the end of the day most of us are still alone within. So the point is to look after yourself first, because a person has to live with himself/herself forever.
But getting back to the story… this last year has been quite a hell for me. I saw her in school often and spring brought some memories back and so on…  right now things are somewhat looking up, because I’m going to an university (hopefully) and that will be a big change in my life and I don’t have to see her so often anymore.
I think that a person can’t escape his/her past, but he/she can try to ran away from it. And that running itself gives some release… there are times when the past catches up… but that’s to remind that the person should start running again…  Or at least that’s kind of what I think right now…
I wish you all the best…

Hmm.. viimased nädalad on päris läbi võtnud (ja mitte eksamite pärast!). Et.. jamh… Ja varsti tulevad rabakas ja HRL… ja siis on lõpetamine… enne HRL-i vist. Ja siis tuleb proovida Tartusse informaatikat saada õppima minna… Ja juunist tuleb itkoolituse v2 ning palju uusi ja lahedaid kursusi.. ja oeh… väsitav.. 😛

Vb kunagi kirjutan veel midagi aga jamh… vaja joosta…

Now playing: Sebastian Bach – By Your Side
via FoxyTunes

Esmaspäev 1:46

Monday, May 5th, 2008

Kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi, kristi….  goooooood…  peavalu… masendus… aaaahhhh!

Njh.. Hellsing oli lahe though…

Now playing: Pagan’s Mind – Dimensions Of Fire
via FoxyTunes